Onesie Upon a Time…

Guest Post: Nutty Brewnette

When Iain mentioned having a “theme” for our first date, my immediate thought was Yes! I’m the queen of themes! After all, I did win 1st place in the Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest and rocked a winning 80’s prom dress at Thanksgiving two years ago.  But, he wasn’t talking about a Dirty Dancing theme with the leggings and midriff tops that one might expect, he meant bar-hopping in a onesie.

After looking through the women’s footed pajama options online, which included pink zebra stripes and giant purple stars, I decided there had to be a much more appropriate pattern like a beer-printed version instead.  The only one I managed to find was a men’s size Medium and it was the last one in stock so I got it anyway.

My sewing skills from the 8th grade Life Skills class would now come in handy.  Kind of.  We kept our onesie design a secret from each other until Friday night rolled around…

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Friday night rolled around.  We met up just a few blocks from Main Street in Venice to reveal our now footless pajamas before heading out on our pub crawl.  When Iain hinted a few weeks back that his design was a cartoon from the 90’s, I didn’t think it would be a purple dragon costume with high-water pants from Dragon Tales.  I hadn’t laughed so much since my YouTube marathon of models falling on runways.

First stop, an Irish Pub. We had walked about one block when, standing at a light, a convertible with a couple inside pulled over.  Excitedly, they asked what the occasion was and then said they would love to go home and grab theirs so they could join this “onesie party.”

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Once in the Irish pub, we sat at the bar and ordered a Kilkenny.  A group sitting next to us complimented our look, saying how awesome it was.  One of the girls studied my pattern briefly before asking, “So, like, what’s going on?” Our only answer to “Why are you wearing this?” was “Why are you not?”

All around us, people were intrigued and definitely entertained. Iain’s was by far more interactive, as he had girls pulling on his tail and flipping his wings, asking if he was a unicorn or Puff the Magic Dragon.

Going to the bathroom wasn’t as much of a challenge as I thought, given that mine didn’t have the convenient drop seat or “butt flap” as I call it.  I just had to remember not to let it drag on the floor.  As I stood at the sink washing my hands, a girl came in and said how cute she thought my onesie was, and exclaimed, “I just don’t have the balls to wear one!”

We then walked down to bar No. 2. People on the street stared, naturally, but complements always followed.  Girls and guys, young and old, drunk and sober, would exclaim how awesome our “Snuggies” were.

Once in the bar, a live band started to play, so Iain began to dance as we made our way through.  A 6 foot tall purple dragon dancing and a 5’ 2” walking “Snuggie” are apparently enough of a look to grant you celebrity status. People approached us like before, but this time, they wanted to take pictures with us. We suddenly felt like Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt milking our 15 minutes of fame.  We managed to drop by a third bar before the infamous LA “2am curfew,” after which, we stopped for some Mexican food before calling it a night.

I’m not sure that I would have considered wearing this five years ago, since I always associated onesie pajamas with kids who wet their bed until the age of 12, but maybe it’s the recent surge of celebrities wearing them that has made us more welcoming of the idea.  Regardless, I think it was the perfect outfit for bar-hopping since it nicely disguises and/or prevents symptoms of beer belly, wardrobe malfunction, and being cold.

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