Finch Beer Co.’s Threadless IPA

By: Benjamin Welton

Martin Luther probably felt like this in Wittenberg when he was nailing that cultural bomb to the cathedral doors. The father of Protestant Christianity knew deeply in his bones that his Ninety-Five Theses would make him an outcast – a despised icon. At the very least, Luther, a man who firmly believed that he was rightfully going against the grain of Catholic thought and practice in order to reclaim Christianity’s original soul, knew that he was destined to be unpopular.

Given this knowledge, why did he do what he did? Sure, sometimes fate has a way of calling on people, and without a doubt the chubby German priest believed that he was doing “the right thing.” Still, Luther’s answer to this question was decidedly more abstract: “Hier stehe, ich kann nicht anders” (“Here I stand; I can do no other”). Since a similar answer would later come from the lips of a Kafkaesque hunger artist obsessed with his cruel art, we can infer that to “do no other” means that the consciousness demands a particular action – a particular action that is bound to upset many and disgust a few.
So, accordingly, “Ich kann nicht anders.” Despite the fact that Finch’s Beer Co.’s Threadless IPA has garnered numerous accolades and awards means nothing to my selective palette, Similarly, the popularity of the Threadless IPA on the Internet is also of little importance. Here I stand; I am about to pan this glorified brew.
Threadless IPAFirst Impression: For a thirsty man, the first thing of note is the size of the can. As a strong standing pint, this Windy City beer gives you a little more bang for your buck. Likewise, the Threadless IPA can boast of a recognizable brand name (Threadless) and a well-balanced aesthetic. Insofar as first looks go, the Threadless IPA has a lot going for it.

Pour: Like a lot of its compatriots, the Threadless IPA pours smoothly and has a big ole’ head. The amber coloring verges on the darker side of things, while the aroma reeks so strongly of citrus that Arturo Bandini could live off of it alone. After pouring this beer out and letting it sit a while, you’ll notice that the once creamy head soon gives way to a marshy, bayou-like residue that lingers throughout each sip, chug, or gulp.
Taste: Up until this point, the Threadless IPA does well. In fact, until I took the first big bite, I thought that this was a surprisingly first-class beer. That opinion changed after the first wave of overly bitter and somewhat stale taste hit me. This beer’s higher alcohol content (6.0%) is to blame for some of this roughness, but pure booze cannot make things taste like a used gym sock. Drinking this beer became a chore more or less, and after each dip into this IPA, I came up for air with a puckered gin face. Beer shouldn’t be this painful, so why are so many people in love with this dirty bird?
Grade: C-
ABV: 6.0%
IBU: 90