Light “Beer”

(This is a reader submitted response to a previous article titled: “What Exactly Is A Beer?“)

By: Nasty Crafty

Recent commercials and fads have begun to lead me towards disgust.  This disgust is referring to the fixation and obsession with low calorie light beers.  I mean folks let’s be honest if you’re worried about your weight then beer is just not for you.  There is no such thing as “great tasting light low calorie” beer, even if you say it with a really deep voice.  This past summer a bunch of my friends and I went to upstate New York to have us some good brews and some fishin. We were watching a movie on Saturday night when all the sudden we ran out of beer.  The local beer store with “actual” beer was closed, so Wal-Mart was our next best bet.  Unfortunately for me and my friends at that point, the only sober man in the room was, yes you guessed it, on a DIET!  So us being a little out of it, told him to use his best judgment.  That was a mistake I’ll soon never forget.  He came back with a 24 pack of CRAP (notice how the brand name doesn’t make a difference because all light beers suck!).

The next morning a bunch of guys bounced and it was just two of my friends (who know what an actual beer taste like) and me.  Fishing hadn’t really been going well for us so we decided to do the next best thing. That’s right, we bought ourselves a sniper BB Gun with a scope. And wouldn’t ya know it we didn’t have to buy targets because they were already sitting at home. Yes that 24 pack of crap had a mission in life, and it’s mission was to be staring down the barrel of a Wal-Mart BB Gun.  We had ourselves the time of our life (plus we were doing so whilst drinking actual beer).

So if you are on a diet, or interested in light low calorie beers, please excuse yourself from the table and do so in your own private area, as doing so is very disrespectful to those of us in the world who know what beer really is.  And that my friends, is anything that isn’t light.